I believe this may be part of a strategy to force me out of the flat somehow so he can occupy my room if he succeeds. Perhaps in his mind I will do so (1) by suicide; or (2) by moving to JB where my parents are, even though it is (a) not suitable for my physical disability due to a flight of stairs, (b) there are no spare rooms because the rooms are occupied by tenants that provide rental income to my parents, (c) I'll have no way of commuting to and from CGH where I receive my medical care; (d) I will likewise be cut-off from social contact I am already trying to increase as another recovery goal, or (3) by moving to a charitable institution for the homeless — a situation which would stress me out greatly and make me feel unsafe even if I can qualify for such a place. 

I also do not have any other family than my parents. But moving out of SG will also affect my other recovery KPIs, such as those centred around social + music events that I have recently included in my recovery goals. I certainly will not opt to die because I still have reasons to stay alive, primarily my parents, and my furkids. I do not want to be apart from Scooter, Splotch, and Scotty. With Scotty, having a dog to take on walks every few days helps as it is also part of my personal recovery strategy. Any financial, housing or food insecurity will trash all my recovery progress over the past 15 months. 

A symptom domain I have is stress intolerance. When I try to do anything besides my recovery e.g. fundraising, income generation — the stress from trying to do things I am not well enough yet to do, nor can I do alone, nor do I have practial help to do — has always affected my recovery KPIs. Even this matter has affected my recovery KPIs for the self-care activity of daily living (ADL) of feeding self a nutritionally balanced meal daily. I simply lost my appetite. Without it I have little motivation to feed myself properly, because motivation is one of the factors affected in the ADHD brain. 

One thing I know for sure: The only thing I can currently concentrate on now is my recovery. It is the only thing I've been able to improve on so far, nothing else. So for now, I really need your help. 

What+How:

(1) bank deposits or transfers to my bank account DBS savings 027-906860-7; or via PayNow and Paylah (via my tel no. 9 088 0 67 5). These gifts will go towards expenses such as food, groceries, transport, my ADHD doctor consults and medication

(2) giftcards on Lazada using my email and mobile number (avalon.apart@gmail.com, 9 088 0 67 5). These will go towards my groceries only, which I purchase via Redmart on Lazada. I do not order anything else online via Lazada.

(3) practical help — this is a long-term What+How, so it will need better explanation than I can include here. Please DM me on Twitter or IG to ask me what practical help I can do with most urgently. 

Thank you for reading and sharing this SOS appeal. 

P.S. I mention my recovery strategy a lot, because I have structured and worked on it somewhat like a business proposal. If you are keen on looking at my personal recovery strategy, I can organise it into a document and send you a copy, if you are keen on investing in my recovery over the long-term. 

P.P.S. I will soon be detracted again from my recovery as I start my divorce proceedings, which my ex and I initially agreed to start after he returned me all of this Ubi flat sale money (my share of it, which my mom asked him to keep for me when we were still married and he managed the finances). Thus there would only be one flat to litigate in the divorce which is the one we cutrently own and live in. This process will truly be stressful and I may really backslide in whatever recovery progress I have made these past 15 months. My emotional regulation is much better now than it was, say, one year earlier. This will hopefully keep me afloat during this trying process to come. 

worlds upon words