ADHD in me? A closer look

It’s common for ADHD not to be diagnosed until adulthood, especially for girls and women.

I have spent over two decades reading up on depression, anxiety and chronic PTSD from adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) because these mental conditions are what I have. But I don't know as much about ADHD beyond how it presents in children and adolescents with whom I interacted with in a teaching capacity back when I taught art or was a private tutor. Then I learned about fibromyalgia and similar neurological conditions involving chronic pain and chronic fatigue, ever since I got formally diagnosed in my late 30s. I knew that chronic pain and inflammatory conditions were comorbid with depression and chronic PTSD. But I didn't explore other comordities like ADHD even though it has been shown to be linked with what I have. Now, I am playing catch-up. But first, let's do some more reading up and conduct proper self-assessments to be sure I am not just being paranoid and a hypocondriac infatuated with Dr Google before I finally get a formal diagnosis.

I really did buy in to the myth that people with ADHD are fidgety, or often cannot remember whatever that is just spoken to them, because I saw these signs in students of mine who were formally diagnosed as having the disorder. I don't personally have a need to fidget, or squirm in my seat. At best I always have a song in my head and dance to or tap to it to myself. Plus, I read a lot and can often retain what I read, sometimes even from just reading something once. I do sometimes get off-track when I am reading: something I come across triggers a tangential thought, then that triggers another tangential thought, and then the daisy-chain of thoughts is formed - my mind becomes focused on something else entirely different from what is on the page in front of me. It is why I put on my glasses to read important stuff that I cannot get wrong and must focus on. Otherwise I can still see the words I am reading with general clarity. If not, it would be inconsequential anyway, resulting in copious typoes in tweets and text at worst. How does all this equate to ADHD? 

My mistake was to think that ADHD only had a single presentation, and that it is the same in children, teens, adults, and across all genders. It is also often spotted in childhood by the adults around the child. But this could not be further from the truth. 

Firstly, ADHD has three different presentations: hyperactivity-impulsivity (ADHD-H), inattention (ADHD-I), or combined (ADHD-C). Here is a quick checklist of symptoms in ADHD-H and ADHD-I and how they differ: 

Taken from Q and ADHD's DSM-V ADHD Diagnostic Criteria

The website I took this chart from also has a self-assessment tool that is specific for adults, which I did download [PDF] and use. More on that later. For now, based on reading the diagnostic criteria, I definitely have the "five or more symptoms of inattention and/or five or more symptoms of hyperactivity/impulsivity", specifically the and in "and/or" meaning I have a presentation of ADHD-C. All along I thought that because I didn't fidget non-stop or squirm in my seat all the time, I obviously didn't have ADHD. At worst, the older I got, I just made sure not to get myself into situations that requires staying in my seat for something I didn't gauge as riveting enough to go through that discomfort. I don't like attending classroom activities to learn. I now cannot stand sitting in a movie theatre seat for the entirety of the movie, and till now I still prefer watching TV series instead of films. Same for church. And I thought it was simply because I felt claustrophobic and only felt comfortable in a cushy seat near the door and along an aisle. Well, now I know. 

ADHD also looks different in adults, especially adult women. Here lies another misconception I had, that this was only true for autism. Which is why looking at a self-assessment tool or checklist specific for adults or adult women is important. I took the adult ADHD screener from Q and ADHD and here is what my results look like:. 

I reckon this would be a good tool to present to my psychiatrist so he can know the specific problems I have within each of the 18 symptoms. Especially since I now have a new guy: my previous psychiatrist has gone to a private clinic. He has known me for years and so would be able to quickly assess me as compared to someone who has to know me within a hurried consult and from scanning typed notes. I did ask my other doctor who does my psychodynamic therapy with me to share this with my new doctor, even though what is discussed in psychodynamic therapy doesn't go beyond what is said in that room. My back up is to get help elsewhere if this new doctor decides not to believe me or to medicate me. Such contingencies are often necessary in situations such as government hospitals, invisible illnessess like chronic pain, fatigue, or mental illness, or if you are a woman. I also often write a list of relevant points to the consult for any new doctor I meet and a list like this would help in being listened to and believed. 

Labels: state, status, therapy

worldsuponwords by avalon at 3:34 PM    [ 0 comment | ]