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Sunday, July 16, 2017

something interim

This past week, I have spent days and hours either being sick with the flu', or busy with medical appointments -  plus some other things, but not things I need to actually been working on. I stayed off most of my comms except my personal twitter account, so I haven't been contact with the volunteers; Slack is bursting with unread messages and almost too scary to wade into at this point.

As I spent time resting off the weakness from the flu' I played a lot of Sudoku, and binge-watched a mindless old HBO action drama. I have been emotionally in a slump instead of in homeostasis. While I can't share it all here, it has to do with feeling unsafe emotionally. Tangibly, it is about being too poor to be sick, and being poor because I am sick.

I still haven't launched my personal fundraising project. A half of a year has past, and I still haven't launched it. There is too much for me handle on the admin and postage angle, let alone actually marketing it, and updating blog posts and social media channels. I don't have the full mental capacity to do this, and wish someone would actually do the whole thing for me, not that anyone owes me anything. It is because I need so much downtime from being ill and disabled. Also, I would really, really, like to focus on working on my LKP projects. This is where I am right now, and it has made me so frustrated that it feels like my stress is very close to saturation point. If I don't act immediately, the pressure of steam will blow my entire life apart, and I will have another period of being extremely down, and all of depression's symptoms will be exhibited.

And that is where I am right now, in the interim. In fact, for the past few months, I have continually been feeling like I have too many goals to achieve but too little of me, too little spoons, in effect. Not enough to write anymore, hence the sparse blog postings, hence why I am ending this post here today.

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