The Guilt of Suicide #MHAW2017 #MHAW [TW: Suicide]
Today, I am feeling guilt. Thinking about all the people who have given up on me through the years, because I keep attempting to take my life when depression hits its hardest — which, is far too often. I am chronically suicidal; my depression is both chronic and severe. I will never totally be rid of this, and yet: I have been given up on, and I feel I deserved every desertion.
"Elaine, again?!" "You need to stop." I wish I could be rid of the self-hatred and desperation my illness makes me go through every now and then. I wish there was a cure. But there isn't.
I am writing this, because I need to tell myself that I never deserved any of these reprimands, desertions. For every one of these 'talks' or wordless cut-offs from my person, I feel more guilt and shame, no unlike the very same feelings that drive me to end my life, to rid myself from them completely. You actions toward me make a difference.