<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d5285808\x26blogName\x3dworlds+upon+words\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://takingavalonapart.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://takingavalonapart.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d3571675512915588525', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
Friday, August 26, 2016

You.

There are so many things I would say to you, if I could speak to you plainly.

I miss home. The home I have with you. You make my life less empty, just by being in it, and I am glad I got as close as I did with you. I don't know how I can express that to you in future, when I am finally home. My physical state is different now.

Thank you for trying so hard to be kinder to me. I know you are making a lot of effort to do so. Doing intangible things, like taking charge of my doctors' appointments, dealing with the hospital bills we can't afford, and - forgiving me, encouraging me in my recovery as you put the past behind us. Your face lifts me up or gets me down: if you are upset, I am upset too, but seeing you smile lifts my spirits.

I am sorry for putting you on that highway road next to me as I lay collapsed. I could imagine your worries, your anger towards me, your frustration at talking to the uniforms, all while you had to think clearly above the trauma.

I don't know we will go from here, because I will need much more caregiving from you now than before. All I know is: I will make my recovery my full-time job now. Self-care. I am not sure how much that will alleviate your lifetime burden, but I will keep going for it.