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Tuesday, March 29, 2016

no rest for my medical leave

I wanted my medical leave to be free from stress but it doesn't seem to be happening. I still get inundated by requests to do things, and I still have to attend to matters when situations go awry.

Today is one of the worse days. Phonecalls, texts, vendor screw-up, negative comments. A sense that people let me down, and I don't even set very high standards.

And part of me doesn't even care anymore. Say what you will. Think what you want. I am on a break  for fuck's sake. Leave me alone!

I just wanna sleep and never wake up. I already feel of zero worth and like a burden every single day. To not wake up anymore would just be an added bonus: of not having to go through all this stress anymore.

I just had a xan*x and a beer and I feel no relief from this stress at all. I have no other ideas how to get out of this spiral of stress and feeling trapped by it.

I just want to give up.