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Saturday, November 07, 2015

EIaine, remember these things from the weekend

I am writing this for myself, because in the coming few days, in fact, from tomorrow I might forget it all.

Tomorrow I will be back home from this 2-night stay at a hotel in town. All of what I am protected from just like when I am in a hospital, I will be exposed to. Triggers, when I am now still feeling more vulnerable than usual, hidden in plain sight. I am a bit afraid. This is cheaper than staying at the psych ward but I still can't stay here forever, right?

So here is where I remind myself things, what will be different when I emerge from this retreat.

I will have daytime cattery help. For two reasons: new intern soon, and volunteers volunteering to do more than their usual night shifts over the next few days, as they already have started to do for me. Because my psychiatrist said that my work-sleep-work-sleep routine was a sign of burnout. So now, I can start to unburn, and then burn again but slowly.

I have rested. I am not properly rested actually, because I spent most of today doing work on my tablet in bed, while J was studying at the lower level of our hotel loft. Then I tell myself that it means I will have a better night's sleep. (We will find out soon enough.) Also, I will not be jumping straight into burnout mode again - see paragraph above.

I had worried that I haven't unstoppered my horrible anhedonia, where all I enjoy is work and sleep, then I realised that right here, I have regained one of my hobbies already: writing, on my blog.