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Saturday, June 21, 2014

I feel like a failure.

I cried in the morning and again about to, soon. For too simple a reason: a fever that won't subside. It makes me feel like an invalid when I am physically unwell. I feel like I cannot meet the standards I set for myself (I am not competitive with anyone else). I feel like a failure because I get depressed when I have a long bout of the flu'. I feel like I try my best and I always end up just being average. What did I do wrong? Recently I got to know someone who speaks in a condescending manner, not sure if just to me or to everyone else. But it was noticeable by J, who is very people-oriented and forgiving, so it isn't just me who feels this way. Like gangrene, the words and tone of this person, and as with gangrene, it ought to be amputated. Regardless, although it will save the body, you lose a toe or a foot. And getting diabetes that caused the gangrene was your own fault for not eating well in the first place, it is not the toe's fault for being necrotic in nature. Evil is evil, you either cut it off or bar entry in the first place. Encounters with such people, plus the fever and flu' symptoms, add them all up, blend and get a mug of sadness. Bottoms up.