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Sunday, November 24, 2013

Courage and conflict

If we all waited till we felt ready to do something requiring bravery and the unknown, we would never accomplish anything.

But this kind of courage, the belief that everything can be made possible, at such a time before a big leap is required, shoots arrows of conflict with innate self doubt and insecurity.

There is such a huge fight within me now. I know courage will win out. But that does not mean the conflict does not exist.

A lot of forgiveness within myself is required too, when I make a mistake, which with the unknown will be inevitable. My worry is others won't feel the same way. I feel that I am expected to be near perfect.

That expectation, perhaps approximated that I should be 98% on target, is amplified by myself, that I think people expect 99%. In a world where the big boys and girls play, that 1% is a huge deviation.

People expect more. That is how we can grow. More fruit than this, less failed crops than this. Increase the flame, build up the pressure in the pot, make a better stew.

With all these vectors of betterment that I need to ride and control, how do I not crash every now and then? And when I do, who will catch me?