Saturday, February 25, 2012
There are a lot of things I should be doing right now, and writing this does not seem to fit in that list as a priority. I have been down with the flu' for more than a week, and it makes my depressive symptoms worse, which means I pretty much haven't been out of bed due to either ailments,
Layer on the guilt from shirking things I need to get done because I am too physically weak to, you pretty much have a storm brewing in a teacup that is me.
I find myself in a situation where I have no one to confide in about how I feel. It is not easy for a repressive to learn confiding so easily. I have come a long way in learning that. But it is neither instinctive nor painless even after coming this far.
Even here, in my own written world, I find it hard to articulate every pain that accumulates onto the already existent pain of being that is me. The situations that are conundrums, the complexities of my self-deprecatory thoughts, the feeling of being alone when i am not.
A repressive feeling alone, that is probably odd-sounding to most.
I feel so alone I tear up as I write this, and I'm repressing and not talking to people about how I feel, hence I write. But truly, who can hear me out and not be flippant, confused, or unsympathetic?