Wednesday, January 11, 2012
pain, a nine-tailed fox
Everyday a residual pain
emerging like a nine-tailed fox:
its monstrosity depends
entirely on it -
not on me.
I want to kill this fox. This numbing pain. This pain that reduces me to a mess. This pain that has accompanied me through my life.
Medication upon medication, coupled with therapy, counselling and the like. Staying in the hospital for my own safety. But the nine-tailed fox, like Churchill's black dog, still resides, resiliently.
I am considering going for ECT. Electricity and seizures might kill it. It had better, for it is the last resort that factors in staying alive.
I just can't keep living like this, living in a living hell. The number of bad days far outnumber good days, heck, I don't even have good days, good moments maybe. Enough is enough.