<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d5285808\x26blogName\x3dworlds+upon+words\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://takingavalonapart.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://takingavalonapart.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d3571675512915588525', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
Wednesday, January 11, 2012

pain, a nine-tailed fox

Everyday a residual pain
emerging like a nine-tailed fox:
its monstrosity depends
entirely on it -
not on me.

I want to kill this fox. This numbing pain. This pain that reduces me to a mess. This pain that has accompanied me through my life.

Medication upon medication, coupled with therapy, counselling and the like. Staying in the hospital for my own safety. But the nine-tailed fox, like Churchill's black dog, still resides, resiliently.

I am considering going for ECT. Electricity and seizures might kill it. It had better, for it is the last resort that factors in staying alive.

I just can't keep living like this, living in a living hell. The number of bad days far outnumber good days, heck, I don't even have good days, good moments maybe. Enough is enough.