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Friday, June 10, 2011

Pain, death and insomnia

The pain just keeps returning.

Today it did with full force and medication could barely stem it.

I started making specific plans again about how to rid myself of this pain through death.

I double-dosed more Fluanxol so I wouldn't have to do it, and break my promises never to abandon my cats.

Regardless, while the pain subsides now, I lie awake. Again.

Sleep keeps eluding me at night.

I ordered sleep supplements to help. Nothing working so far.

I asked my doctor for more sleeping medication. He hasn't replied yet with a "Come and get it."

This recurring pain, this consistent insomnia - makes me wonder, do I have to increase one of the multiple meds I am taking?

I can't afford it. But I might die if I don't, and fall into that 25% of those who die from depression.