Dichotomy
As I grasp straws of my sanity, trying to dam the flow of pain and tears, I act normal, as medication enables me to do, as far as its dose can reach.
But really, what I'm feeling and what, how I say aloud to those beyond my inner circle are completely dichotomous.
I truly never realised this till now, now when I'm trying to mask my pain for not only others' sake but my own, trying to take things on with a lesser burden by being cheerful and witty as long as I can bear it.
Am not sure when the real Elaines will merge as one and no longer be a dichotomy of two: the public one, and the melancholic one.
In the meantime, I shall continue in this dichotomy, and seem somewhat bipolar (am not). So if you read me, you will probably understand now why I sometimes seem so sane, and others so irrationally in pain.
Labels: state