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Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Today I went to IMH for the first time

And it was a terrible experience I will not repeat unless dire necessity dictates.

The service is as bad at Tan Tock Seng hospital.

Their waiting area beds are so small my anxiety went up even higher because I felt so claustrophobic - they refused to put the side barriers down even, saying I will fall down; I had to secretly lower it myself.

There are no tissues on the waiting area bedsides. What the fuck? Isn't this a psychiatric hospital?

The doctor was curt and mean and had poor bedside manners.

And they fucking had no Valium injection to give me which was what I needed and what my regular doctor asked me to ask for because he and his colleagues were offsite. What kind of psychiatric medical centre has NO VALIUM? They have valium injections at regular hospitals (like Eastshore) for crying out loud. And IMH doesn't have it? I had to settle for a lorazepam jab, which worked as well, but doesn't give the same kind of peace and tranquil and immediate sedation as Valium. I don't have Valium at home. I have lorazepam, though an injection is still better.

They wanted to ward me. For fuck? I just need a jab, and maybe some rest? The doctor gave in and let me go immediately.

Terrible terrible experience. No wonder those who go to IMH for treatment usually get worse not better. At least I am somewhat better than before I started seeing my psychiatrist, even if after years of treatment I am still sick.

First time I went to a hospital for psychiatric emergency. Last time I will step into IMH. Even if I ever need to be warded am definitely not going there. There are psychiatric wards in other hospitals. No thank you WH.

As you can see I am still in the throes of agitation, irritability and anger. This was how my day started, escalating into a full-blown panic attack and symptoms of paranoia so bad like I never had before. I didn't dare to close my eyes because I kept believing, for real, that I would die if I sleep. I couldn't talk properly. I couldn't walk and had to crawl to the medicine box to get my medication. Every single sound that emanated from outside seemed incredibly loud and sent me into a frenzy. I was in physical pain. I was aching. And for now the worst is over thanks to the jab I had to go through a lot of suffering to get.

I will need to take a lot of medication tonight because the rage and irritation is still on. Seeing my real doctor tomorrow for my monthly appointment.