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Thursday, September 02, 2010

waiting

I hate waiting. I used to be a patient, would-wait-for-two-hours-for-you kind of person, but now waiting makes me anxious.

When I was young, it was all about waiting for my parents to come home from work or pick me up from the babysitter. Sometimes they came back at close to midnight. Every day, I waited for them till day turned to night.

When I was in secondary school and had to commute to JB everyday because my parents moved there, I had to wait in line at the customs every day. Wait for the bus. Use of Walkmans were disallowed in school uniform in my school, and mine got stolen in a burglary anyway. So there was nothing else to do but wait.

When in love, I once waited for H for almost two hours to meet me at the MRT station after meeting his friends whom he always treated as more important than I was to him. He never showed that day. Years after, he didn't even remember that he had me waiting there that time. 

After all that waiting throughout my childhood and life peaked, my depression worsened my hate for waiting into a fear of it. Now I cannot stand waiting for buses and trains, one of the reasons why I cannot get myself into public transport more often, (apart from germs, confined spaces and humans). I hate waiting for the lift to arrive when I visit the hospital every month for my checkup. I get anxious waiting for cabs, but thankfully most of the time the wait is not long because there are plentiful cabs.

In any case, never keep me waiting for too long. It physically hurts me to have to wait now.

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