<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d5285808\x26blogName\x3dworlds+upon+words\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://takingavalonapart.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://takingavalonapart.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d3571675512915588525', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
Sunday, July 11, 2010


I haven't been eating more protein like I was told by the doc on Wednesday, to reduce the severity of my depression. My fridge is full of eggs, untouched. I eat a muesli bar every now and then. My appetite sucks, lunch is impossible, dinner needs to be split into two meals.

The funks are still occurring. Earlier this afternoon, I told J, "We are in danger." when it was a peaceful afternoon. I told him to get me 2 Xan*axes and napped. I felt my heart palpitating badly when I awoke. I took two beta-blockers. Then I felt my mood descend into deep. I took a Fluanxol, burned a mix of clary sage, lavender and eucalyptus essential oil, soaked in the negative ions of my new (cheap) negative ioniser. It could be worse, I could be cowering under the sheets right now crying. But with medication, negative ions and aromatherapy, I feel literally afloat, neither out of the water nor sinking deep.

I don't know how long I can tread water tonight though. I think about a long day of work tomorrow and am not mentally prepared. Work three days a week, ha. I indulge in the hobby of my volunteer work everyday, and rest as much as possible. I still look forward to work with trepidation at times, feeling like I will let my students (or clients, if copywriting work) down.

I feel like a long glass of ice-cold Guinness Draught right now.