Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I am in a fix.
Am so poor that I might not have enough to pay the doctor tomorrow for my monthly appointment - I still owe him money from last month's bill. I stew and worry about what will happen when the clerk shows me tomorrow's bill and -gasp- lo and behold I haven't got enough. My meds are running on empty or low, so I can't not go either.
I feel so tired that I can barely do chores let alone work. The kitchen floor is strewn with stray bits of cat litter because Scooter is sick with urinary tract infection, but I can't bring myself to sweep up. I don't even have the energy to take a shower.
I have no appetite. I ate a brownie and a bowl of instant noodles for the whole of yesterday. I have been having a runny nose for most part of the weekend till yesterday. Right now I feel like my stomach is so empty I can't chug my coffee for fear I will puke.
I feel bad that I turn down my students and push my writing deadlines because I am not capable of being productive every day.
Nothing will help fix this trepidation and extreme lacklustre level of energy. Accepting this to be true makes me feel better.