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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

fix

I am in a fix.

Am so poor that I might not have enough to pay the doctor tomorrow for my monthly appointment - I still owe him money from last month's bill. I stew and worry about what will happen when the clerk shows me tomorrow's bill and -gasp- lo and behold I haven't got enough. My meds are running on empty or low, so I can't not go either.

I feel so tired that I can barely do chores let alone work. The kitchen floor is strewn with stray bits of cat litter because Scooter is sick with urinary tract infection, but I can't bring myself to sweep up. I don't even have the energy to take a shower.

I have no appetite. I ate a brownie and a bowl of instant noodles for the whole of yesterday. I have been having a runny nose for most part of the weekend till yesterday. Right now I feel like my stomach is so empty I can't chug my coffee for fear I will puke.

I feel bad that I turn down my students and push my writing deadlines because I am not capable of being productive every day.

Nothing will help fix this trepidation and extreme lacklustre level of energy. Accepting this to be true makes me feel better.