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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

is it too much for me?

I am not sure if I am biting off more than I can chew. In recent weeks things have become rather busy, and while I am still somewhat keeping up, more easily than before, it is still tiring. Come next week, I will likely be teaching at least four students if not five. Which is five days a week. Albeit half-days, but I am not sure I can keep up. It is the money I need, with the convenience of having that one new student also coming to my house instead of me having to tire from travel. But as it is I am already tired every day. I am scared of breaking down again like I did in Q3 of this year, when I couldn't get up to make phone calls and got panic attacks every time I had to go and teach. I have to keep telling myself to take things on measuredly and only if I will enjoy doing them; joy gives strength, a lack of it - an obligation - drains that strength away. I am still enjoying it amply, I only hope it will be sustainably so for the future.

My volunteer work - cat rescue and all that - is also becoming more hectic and more issues are arising because of the publicity we're getting from the press and in online forums. With publicity comes scrutiny. With publicity comes help and support, which means accountability. We have all along functioned as a fun group that loves animals and simply have been acting on our compassion. But now it is becoming more and more serious, both a blessing and a curse. Andy and I are often on the same page, but our friend who owns the pet shop from which we do our animal rescue and re-homing work is not only doing it out of his passion, he also needs to consider his business's survivability which is not something we have to struggle with on a daily basis like he does. And my having worked in an NGO setting before I know what financial accountability and transparency to the public is like. Everything from where the money comes from, where it goes and every single work-flow needs to be structured and transparent. It will take time. It will naturally fall on me to do it. My name is also at stake, and ultimately my career too because I want to pursue a life of helping others. Lots to do, and I know how to go about it, my mind naturally just knows how to organise everything so that it will work out, structurally. It will just be a continuous climb that is increasingly becoming an overhang rather than an upward slope.

I only hope I can keep up.