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Friday, September 18, 2009

stressors

Sleeping till late morning or noon.

Zombiefied.

The house is out of coffee. I am drinking Darjeeling milk tea.

I am teaching later today, at my place; my new student lives near me. She is a delightful kid. I don't think my condition will worsen until I can't even teach at home someday. All I need to do is some housekeeping and get changed before I teach. I don't have to travel for this one.

The main stress factors that broke me down about teaching was getting out of the house, and having to be a totally different - normal - person, teacher for the student, and having to teach weekends, which are a lot more stressful for me. Weekends meant trying to overcome my fear to go to church, spending time with J. Having to teach weekends meant leaving him to go out. Alone. I can't do alone so often. There seems to be too many things going on during weekends. I can't handle having to teach on weekends at all.

I have to travel for the other student, my old student who took a break from tuition the same time I did - for the whole of the third school term. The major stress factors I felt while teaching for the early half of this year are gone in this gig. I don't have to put on a different teacherly persona. She knows that I am sick. We hang out together sometimes. She confides in me a lot. We have a real connection. And I go to her house on weekdays exclusively now, not weekends.

My handphone is still out of commission. It has caused some inconveniences but I am still reluctant to find the money to pay my bill and reinstate it. The important people - J, my parents, my students, my neighbours - know my house number.

Right now I am just going to relax with my cat Sayang on my lap. Until about later this afternoon, when I have to shower myself and clean up the house for my lesson.

Meanwhile, I will just try to let the cat's purring calm me while I stroke her soft fur, with jazz on the speakers, and maybe more tea. It is about to rain - the negative ions are charging in the air. I should be okay today.