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Thursday, August 27, 2009

ever again

I don't know how I am ever going to work again. Just yesterday I felt ill enough to have to sleep the whole day. I haven't been able to bring myself to do much housework this past fortnight. With any small reduction in medication I feel unwell, unable to sleep, with a lack of energy in the day. Small things take up big energy.

I went to the CDC for their assessment interview; if they will offer me financial assistance. I nearly had a panic attack, and I finished the last of all my anxiety medication on that very day. They may help me, they may not. I still have to wait a month to find out.

I have to just keep focusing on the things I can actually do. Over the past week I helped out a friend at his shop near our house for half a day, and there are other types of work available near my home if I am able - the fact that I need not have to travel far already eliminates most of the stress I feel when I have to go places. I am less likely to get a panic attack if I need not step outside my house, or if I am only going downstairs. But I still don't think I am up to it, looking at the amount of rest I need with anything I do.

This recovery is taking forever. It feels like a road trip from Europe to India: long, drawn-out, full of terrain.