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Wednesday, May 06, 2009


Another sleepless night. I can't sleep, the bed looks ominous in the dark and silence. The silence is deafening.

I haven't taken my meds properly for a few days, partly because I have run out of some of them and am only filling my prescription tomorrow. I also can't seem to get myself to eat them when I wake up, because I wake up in a daze, having slept badly the night before, hence I never actually wake up proper. I tell myself, it's fine, a day or two.

But no, it's not fine. I break down and cry and shiver, and I cannot sleep. And the darkness deafens me. I took an anti-histamine and a tranquilizer but it is not working as well as my proper meds should. The end of my prescription is the end of my tether. I feel like that Dave character in Desperate Housewives. "I am not feeling so well," he says, as he lashes out at Edie.

And so I accompany myself through the night, waiting for sleep to happen.

I could read myself to sleep, but I have just run out of new books to read.

Or I could just keep sitting here in the dark.