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Sunday, October 19, 2008

gloomy late afternoon

It seems like I am reveling in the quiet of the late afternoon rain outside, but in fact I am simply in a daze. The quiet makes me lonesome, yet I am unable to keep myself occupied to the point of distraction. Every task seems to require more energy than I can conjure up, even reading, which I cannot sustain for more than a page or two.

I see Slinky curled in her basket, and I microwave some cat food to feed and keep her warm. While waiting for her food to cool, she sits before her bowl, staring out the kitchen window looking at the rain fall.

I make some hot chocolate in a bid to keep myself occupied, and I try to wake J for some too, so I would no longer feel lonely, but he remains asleep.

There are so many things I could do: some form of work, exercise, shower, ironing, cleaning, watching a DVD. But I can't bring myself to do any of them, it is pointless and too much to surmount even as single tasks, even if as recreational activities. I could go back to sleep but even that feels painful.

The rain has stopped. Dinner time approaches and thus a sense of forced normalcy returns. I push the gloom back with a cigarette and hopefully, find some energy to wash myself before dinner.