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Monday, August 11, 2008

i'm coming

I nudged my room door ajar and saw him through the crack. He looked worn out, inside and out. He had his Tag Heuer glasses off and was wiping his face, and was dressed in his work garb as he was for the entire day.

"You look shack," I said to him, myself just freshly out of the shower.

"Of course, it's Monday."

But I knew it wasn't just the Monday blues or the heavy Singaporean heat that made him look more tired than usual. J smiles even when he is sleepy.

He tried to sound cheery. "So, tell me everything that happened today, I wanna know!"

Today was a defining moment for my career. I might really be spending most of my every week in Batam, Indonesia, very soon. For how long, and for how semi-permanently, the plans are still unfolding.

I am excited. I worry about having to keep paying for this flat. I wonder about how much I will earn while I will save lots staying there. I think about Slinky. And I think about J.

"Don't worry, I will take care of myself," he says.

His countenance remains torn. I tell him he is acting really strong and supportive about my dreams, but I know inside he will be lonely without me. My words cut through his heart, because no matter how he tries to remain brave on the outside, I read his heart and mind completely.

There is a peace in my heart about J.

There is a definitive unction in my heart about going to Indonesia.

I just have to believe that God will allow both my career and my lover to co-exist as they never really have before.