<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d5285808\x26blogName\x3dworlds+upon+words\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://takingavalonapart.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://takingavalonapart.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d3541997982772511648', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Staying awake in the day makes me feel like shit. My mom persuades me every day to find a fun job to do, like working in a shop. What makes her feel that is fun for me? I will not be able to bear it. The thought of working in a confined space, with people coming in and out, makes me want to well up and cry. I will fear work every day, not even dressing up will help me overcome the dread I often feel about going out of the house. I don't know how to change her mind that I am not ready.

Doctor says that maybe I need more time for the new higher dose of Tegradol to kick in. I have to wait. If I feel down for more than three days it is significant. Today is day three. After today if I don't feel any better I need stuff to 'tide me over'. I am tired of feeling useless and being useless. I don't want the tears to return.

This is bigger than me. You know that right?

I don't feel like doing anything: gaming, watching DVDs, reading my new books and magazines. I just want to sleep and stop crying. Or cry until everything is okay. But I know it won't be okay.