Sunday, June 22, 2008
after the rain
It is a really sleepy noon. Rain has fallen to the ground and cooled the urban earth. My windows are open and the breezy after-rain smell is wafting through my day curtains. High on sleepiness and nicotine I have a coffee to set the balance, but it is not working: I would rather be asleep amongst my pillows.
Pillows are no substitute for a man. They are soft and smell of me. A man would have hard legs, full of warmth and damp from heat, and he would smell of him. The feeling of having someone to hold is hard to replace, something you cannot really achieve with pillows, girlfriends, or fantasies.
Companionship and mutual care are the first two things that often happen before our hearts get warmed. Undivided attention, conversations, love in actions. These things make you wonder for more and miss the times when you did have more.
But the maybes and mistakes always spoil everything. Creating a haze that mirrors the rainy sky, making you wish for more breeze, more rain! Yet hoping the skies will clear up for blue. All the wishing and wanting for both ends of the stick.
I have finally switched on my air-con again. The heat even after tropical rain, is becoming unbearable and sticky once again. The day curtains continue to let the cloudy light in, and I burn candles to create a romantic atmosphere for one, for now.