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Friday, May 02, 2008

More about Clinical Depression - 3

Medical and clinical terms of symptoms for clinical depression might be mind-stumbling to some who are trying to find out if they are depressed. It also means that people who know someone they love who is clinically depressed may not totally understand what their loved one is going through. Here is a list that puts the clinical depression symptoms plainly. Refer to the title link for more information.

  1. Things just seem “off” or “wrong.”
  2. You don’t feel hopeful or happy about anything in your life.
  3. You’re crying a lot, either at nothing, or something that normally would be insignificant.
  4. You feel like you’re moving (and thinking) in slow motion.
  5. Getting up in the morning requires a lot of effort.
  6. Carrying on a normal conversation is a struggle. You can’t seem to express yourself.
  7. You’re having trouble making simple decisions.
  8. Your friends and family really irritate you.
  9. You’re not sure if you still love your spouse/significant other.
  10. Smiling feels stiff and awkward. It’s like your smiling muscles are frozen.
  11. It seems like there’s a glass wall between you and the rest of the world.
  12. You’re forgetful, and it’s very difficult to concentrate on anything.
  13. You’re anxious and worried a lot.
  14. Everything seems hopeless.
  15. You feel like you can’t do anything right.
  16. You have recurring thoughts of death and/or suicidal impulses. Suicide seems like a welcome relief.
  17. You have a feeling of impending doom - you think something bad is going to happen, although you may not be sure what.
  18. In your perception of the world around you, it’s always cloudy. Even on sunny days, it seems cloudy and gray.
  19. You feel as though you’re drowning or suffocating.
  20. You’re agitated, jumpy and and anxious much of the time.
  21. Your senses seem dulled; food tastes bland and uninteresting, music doesn’t seem to affect you, you don’t bother smelling flowers anymore.
  22. Incessantly and uncontrollably into your mind comes the memory of every failure, every bad or uncomfortable experience, interview or date, like a torrent of negativity.

#5. I have always found it hard to wake up in the mornings, but some mornings it is so hard, and there are times I never successfully make it out of bed till much later. I thought I was just tired and lazy.

#13. I worry all the time - I pray every day that my parents are alive and safe, and before my mom moved in with me this year, every phonecall I got from them, I used to worry it was bad news.

#3. I cry almost all the time, almost everyday. In the past if I got spotted by C, he would get angry. I usually cry alone. I hear myself cry, and it sounds so sad, I felt pain for the pain I am feeling.

#9. There are no feelings. No emotion. Just a physical gnawing pain in my heart, and tears in my crying. I feel I no longer love. During this time I initiate break ups with committed boyfriends. Looking back, I have done this to three of them. All while I was depressed. Love suddenly became an impossibility; I wake up, and realise, that I am love-less. So I devise a reason, and ask them to leave me.

#8. I feel like being alone, and I deflect questions my mom asks me. Being in church irritates me because Christians naturally take an interest in other people, so they ask me things about me. This really irks me. I rather they talk about themselves. But that's me.

#2. There is nothing in life right now that makes me happy. Not anymore, if there were, due to limitations (shopping makes me happy but that is financially crazy). And so, there is nothing. Anything I try to do now, would be an alleviation of the sadness, not creating happiness. To be honest, I don't believe happiness exists anymore. It is a myth. Believe me, it really is a myth. Let's just try to live with our sadness in manageable portions (not like the carton-loads of pain I have on my heart now). I hope to try and alleviate my pain to make other people "happy".