Thursday, May 01, 2008
Who is going to protect me? Even the angels in my presence stand aside and touch-me-not. Tears are repulsive to every man. I feel like a beggar on the street waiting for my next coin, vulnerable, pining, and truly alone. I still see no real point to my sickness, except to live in this state till I die. Who is going to protect me? I know I would stay by the side of a sick husband if I had one, but no one will find me and no one will rescue me. I say to every lover I meet, "I love you too much to make you stay
." A caged bird loses its song
and my sickness is that cage. As a result, I wither from neglect
. I will keep feeling neglected, keep letting lovers go, keep on staying alone and isolate myself, and stay unwanted for the rest of my life. I sound like a pompous ego-maniac, but my emotions are bigger than my ego, I only wish they would submit to me and be controlled and be
happy. But I will never
be happy again. Never.