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Wednesday, April 09, 2008


When your brain's cognitive functioning slows down, you stop thinking so much because it is not all that possible to anyway. Things become uncomplicated, by design, or by compulsion; smallish, so that you can take them in without intellectually barfing. I wonder if I have become thus dumbed-down, just so I can think in an uncomplicated fashion. Just simply.

I no longer need to come up with multi-dimensional grand plans to rid myself of the sadness of the world. I just need to let happy come to me. And so it does.

Happy felt awkward to me at first. It came in bouts of serotonin-fuelled uncontrolled laughter, many times louder than the loud E you already know. It felt strange, to not be sad, not feel merely neutral, but a completely other emotion altogether. Then I came to recognise it as being happy. I have never felt this way in my entire life, until now.

Happy is not an everyday phenomenon. Now that I know how it feels like, I know when it is present, and when it simply does not reside. It doesn't matter that being happy is not a daily emotion, because at least, sadness no longer is either.

Simple things help me alleviate sadness, like my cat, flowers, music, or writing. Best friends do too.

Now that I am less complicated, simple things will make me feel happy too. They are just very few and far between, and they cost. But I am not thinking all that much about it. I will just let things come, and let go, let my world though fallen apart, just simply be.