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Wednesday, February 13, 2008

scary elaine

I am sorry for my behaviour the past few weeks.

Alarmingly impulsive. I tried smoking (no I didn't really smoke but I acted like I did). I cut myself. I was high on Xana*x and alcohol. I took sleeping pills even in the day if I didn't drink. I overdosed on meds, twice. I broke up with Calvin. I used others to hurt him on purpose. I had no self-love. I was ecstatic or hysterical. I screamed. At people. In my house alone. I was crazy.

I don't remember a lot of things I did, were did to me, I said, or was said to me. I don't remember puking in my bathroom. I don't remember my suicidal threats. I don't remember my seductions and propositions.

Pardon my behaviour, that really wasn't the real me.

I was in so much hurt and pain and physical despair, I really wanted to die.

But I am still on meds. I cannot live med-free at the moment, just like I cannot be left alone. I am just sorry for all the scares and scathes I might have inflicted on anyone who was in contact with me the past two weeks.