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Friday, July 13, 2007

invisible propositions

"I would like to, but by doing so we would ruin the lives of many who are close to us." He never did ask, but I know that the prospect crossed both our minds many times before tonight. I let him return home alone, and myself to mine, but voiced that reply in my mind to my imagination. Within the rifts of my mind, reels of reality and foregone conclusions set the tone amidst the surreal. It is a strange attraction, inexplicable, and completely temporal - he would say the same.

For now, sleep evades me. I think about the common things we share: memories of lonely moments, of agreed romantic melancholy.

Isn't life like a trap sometimes? But we want to do the right thing, and I'll let wonder linger till it becomes no more. Like dream petals summoned for a spell, and disappeared into the ground after. Charm is transient bullshit, good for a moment, good for nothing.

It doesn't feel anything more than charm and shared shreds of affiliation in life. I am too mellow to feel anything more about anything, anyone, not even the loves of my life. Ecstasy has become lukewarmth, fuzzy feelings have turned into mere quiet smiles, the sex of my life has become a boat ride. Yet the invisible propositions surface in my mind, surfacing just on charm and affiliation.