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Friday, June 08, 2007

why

I just read again what I wrote and cried.



I do not understand why I still feel emotionally raw about this part of my life. But almost nobody understands. Even I don't understand why a simple job-change hurts me so much, even if it is the supposed right decision.


What am I crying over? A lost friendship? A loss of pride? A dream that died? Loss of glamour? I don't know!


If all these decisions are really part of fulfilling my calling then why am I being hurt through this? Why does time not heal the pain? Why is there pain?


Sharlene calls it surrendering. It probably is, no matter how I cannot comprehend it.


Despite the birthing pains, anger, two-way abuse, and water under the river that existed, despite these and the overworkaholism, I really miss Splashwurks from the bottom of my heart. And this hurts me like hell. God took something really close to me, away, to guide me to something bigger, something else that was also a part of the big picture. Though my mind fathoms it, my heart is broken by it, this I cannot deny.


Nobody will understand this.