Thursday, April 06, 2006
heart stirring and inspired moments
1 John 3:16“ This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. ”
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Today, there was a fight in our class between two eleven year old boys. I had to physically pry them apart. They were seething with anger, sweaty, teary, with clenched fists and scowls on their childlike faces. Miss Angela at first shouted at them to stop, but they were riding on their anger so much, that they didn't.
It hurt me because when I found out about the reasons behind that fight, it turned out to be so much more deep-rooted a cause, than just that one playful moment gone wrong.
At this fight, one boy, named F, apparently nudged another boy O, who took it so over-irritably and whacked F for that little jostle. Of course, F retaliates and it becomes a full-blown fight.
It seems that Everyone hates F. He is always angry, and everyone whacks him because he is overly playful/irritating. The hate-F-campaign is headed by another boy W, who also beats F up, because he finds F irritating when they play together.
What kind of man are you to use your fists?
A mark of a real man forgives. Violence is a mark of a lousy man.
How many second chances do you want people to give you? Just one? Or more than one? If you want people to give you more than just one second chance, then you have to do the same to others.
There are so many people out there who use violence to show their anger, and there are people dying from it.
Do you want to grow up to be that kind of person?
The minute you put your fists into the situation, you are already in the wrong.
Let it go.
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In the end, Miss Angela was rather traumatised because while she led the class when I was mediating between the boys, she asked the kids to do the wrong thing by accident, some kids were at a loss because they had confidence problems and didn't dare to try to do what they were supposed to do.
After class I told her about medics using triage at war to sort out casualties, something that C shared with me just the other day because I was similarly angry after classes:
If three people came to you, one with a broken foot, another with his skull cracked and his brains spilling out, and again another with a gun shot to his stomach, who would you save first? C said, it should be the one with the gunshot to his stomach, because if you help him immediately, he can be saved. If you attend to the brain guy, who will definitely die anyway, the gunshot guy might die. The broken foot is not critical, so he can wait.
The point is, C says, you cannot save all of them, and in a battlefield, or classroom scenario, you need to give your attention to the ones who need it the most. He said, we are external vendors (though I dislike that term, sounds like contractor), and we only meet these kids once a week, and then no longer. There is a limit to what we can do, and as long as we try our best, we have done our job.
I saw that, it meant that it was not my fault if the brain guy dies.
It is not my fault, and I have to accept that, and I guess Miss Angela will too.
(Welcome to the art classroom, aka one-hour long battlefield.)
Now I am no longer as angry from actual teaching, in any case there is no residual anger from that. Because I know it is not my fault if the brain guy dies. I have to let it go.
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I have been able to rest some these couple of days, at night, or in the evenings, because I have been having a bit of a cold of sorts, and so I force myself to rest. I even watched TV! Which I realise, helps you sleep, especially when you watch after your dinner. I guess it helps me feel mentally more sound too.
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Our capacity cannot rise above our character.
I want to get rid of all this anger and frustration, which has built up from a few somewheres, (where exactly, I do not know either), rid them even when I am truly provoked by people who irritate me because of their weaknesses, rid them even though people are lousy, cos everyone is lousy, even myself, whom I got to also forgive at the end of the day.
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I have not been able to speak clearly lately, for some reason, maybe too much spit in my mouth because I am not able to breathe clearly through my nose due to the cold? I don't know really, but I will try again when I next talk.
Diction, clarity, structure of speech, are all extremely important especially at work. Of critical importance. People hate bosses or colleagues who delegate work but give shitty instructions, because a lack of clarity will result in incompetence and work to show for it, and the best part is, it is actually not their fault, but the bosses'.
It is better to say things more than once too, because people will forget, and they (especially men) might not have been listening because they were distracted or busy at the time.
We have to think in writing, because then when you relay your instructions or other work-related communication, you have your paragraphs, topic sentences, appropriate vocabulary, sentence construction, examples or analogies, all in place to make a good and effective verbal story.
Unfortunately, not all bosses are like that, they may even be rushed, poor listeners, and all who are employees suffer for it. We just have to not be angry, and forgive them, and cover for each other.
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