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Thursday, July 16, 2009

disabled

I feel extremely disabled. My state of health hampers what I am able, or unable, to do. And the 'unable' list is long.

Instead of thinking of what I like to do, I think of what I am able to do.

Like, I teach because I used to be able to do it. I don't like it. I was just able to do it, except that for the last few weeks, I have been unable to do so because my mental health fails me, terribly.

Instead, I became able to do household chores.

Now I am also not very able to do housework, the degrading skin on my fingers makes me think twice about doing any kind of washing with detergents, and I no longer feel like doing much housework.

I have been enjoying writing again. Nothing profitable, just here, and my cat blog, which has been helping homeless animals find a new home, and bringing some business to our neighbourhood pet shop which rescues and fosters these animals.

But if I think of expanding my work opportunities from freelance teaching to include freelance writing, I fear I might let people down again, like I have my students and their parents in the past few weeks.

So the only option I can think of is to do things that I like, and not try to make them into work. Because pleasure and enjoyment is part of the cure, and is the present part that I need to work on.

I will give it a try.

Sounds easy, to just do what I like, but actually, it really isn't that easy.